Don’t be Clingy – To your Partner, your Children, or Loved Ones.

Don’t be Clingy – To your Partner, your Children, or Loved Ones.

by: June Val

I want to start this post with a suggestion. Take one very deep breath, and hold it in for about thirty seconds.  Once you arrive at thirty seconds, release the breath and let it go.

Feels good doesn't it?

Now imagine a moment, how your partner feels when you don’t leave them room to breathe. Or when you are so afraid that your children may get into trouble and protect them obsessively. You don’t allow them to experience anything because you fear  the experience will hurt them because at some point in your life you've experienced pain yourself, and do not wish this upon the people you love or care about, so as a result you end up smothering them.

“Give me room to breathe.” Or “I need space.” Is a common phrase used within couples. There is a reason for this space. When you smother, and become clingy you are not allowing them to breath, and to breathe you need to experience and to experience you allow growth to take place.

A tree experiences sunlight, rain and possibly all kinds of weather, and as a result of this experience, the tree grows.

You could say that wisdom is inside the tree, because of this experience, it matures and eventually spreads its seeds allowing new forms of life to take place. Perhaps in a thousand years, the lone tree becomes a forest. Expanding in all forms and sizes, but the key word here is “Expanse”.  The more the roots expand so does its upper part of the tree, “As above so below”.

So then, when a mother (for example) is clingy with her children, she prevents them from growing. The same can be said, when a husband is clingy with his wife, he prevents her from growing because he is worried she would get hurt, or fears losing her to any other outside forces. This causes the partner to feel “smothered” and if change doesn’t occur in the relationship, one of two things happens, either it ends up as a hateful untrustworthy type relationship where they are both basically with their hands around each others necks for the rest of their lives, or it falls apart.

 

However, there is another point of view people do not seem to realize. It takes two to tango, and the great majority of the time , one side shows the other reasons for distrust. While one side, may be clingy, due to observations, there is another side equally as guilty because of the trigger. (This however, has an exception with children, since there are times we do need to protect them.  For instance, a speeding car; just to name an example.)

One may be responsible for their thoughts while the other needs to be responsible for certain actions. No matter how you see life, actions do speak louder than words. Communicating in itself is an action, no matter how it is sent, through imagery or words.

Body language in itself is such imageries, and expresses things much louder than words.  However, there are times that these occurrences happens because it is something we need to work on ourselves. For the other side, it is a lesson, on not triggering someone’s emotions.
The experience and lesson should be that, “in this life, this triggers this” and yet they project it to others as them saying, “I am not responsible for your thoughts” but in reality, they are.

Most of the times, one side does not see this until the experience repeats itself several times over. If you are making someone uncomfortable, it usually means the person has a reason to be. But viceversa, if you feel uncomfortable it is because you choose to be uncomfortable. So in essence, both are right and wrong at the same time. This is the cero point of truth that emerges, should both sides understand one another.

We have control over nothing except ourselves, I was reminded of this earlier, and because of this fact, it is pointless to try and avoid anything that displeases us. All we are doing is creating fear and doubts which would probably end up manifesting in that which you fear. Because you gave it enough energy and power to make it your reality.

We usually try and avoid pain, and you are right on your reasons not to want that experience. Pain is utterly displeasing and it can put you off course. However, it is when we confront pain, feel it, experience it, and accept it, that we become stronger and wise.  Pain can be one of the ultimate teachers, as it does teach us the value of joy. But It also teaches us the value of living, without pain in our lives, life would not evolve.

That is why the middle way is important to take, to endure, explore and accept, would have us evolve beyond our current paradigm. If we do not experience this, it is hard to understand it and move beyond it.  

But we usually reject the unpleasant experiences and only accept the pleasant ones. How can we learn if everything is the way we want them, and when we experience something we do not want, we react in a negative way, without truly knowing why we are feeling negative. Our denial on that which is negative, causes more negativity to take place. To those who are spiritual, this is what causes the shadow to grow stronger. It is like garbage piling on garbage, and we don’t really deal with it until we are overwhelmed.

When we fear having a certain experience, we manifest it as a lesson to be learned and move beyond it, transcending common thoughts in the process while evolving them into something new. Evolving this breaks your pattern, which tended to be repeated over. You are free from that state of mind that imprisoned you in fear.

Here is another interesting thought, the elites many criticize; the great majority of them had clingy parents. You could say that the elites themselves were victims of the times we live in. While this may not excuse some horrors they may or may not have conducted, they really don't know any better because of the way they were born and raised. The environment plays a huge role in the end on how everyone is programmed, and it makes it much easier to forgive when you know and become aware that those who cause harm, are also those who have been victimized themselves. They don't know any better which is why they do what they do in order to maintain control.

Just like the breath, you breathe in, and instead of holding it in and causing suffering, release the breathe, and like a boomerang it will return back to you naturally, for another dose of life.