Death's Embrace - Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One.

Death's Embrace - Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One.
by: June Val
Note: Images used are of fair use and for educational purposes.

Dealing with death is probably my final lesson. It seems, source God, the Tao has given me this new task. I honestly don't know how or where to start, but I guess writing this post is the first step. This is not an easy subject to talk about, as I do have resistant to it even now, I want to turn away from writing this post, but I know that I have to deal with it sooner or later.


I know death is not everlasting non existence and yet, I have trouble facing it. It is not easy losing someone you love to it's embrace. It is why I despise wars and frown at those who impose their wills to take away another, and yet, death's embrace is all around us, flirting and lurking. The odd thing here is, that I am not afraid to die myself, but my biggest fear is losing someone I love to death. I can accept losing them through their own personal choice, but death is another story.

My fiancee told me something key today, that I was afraid of how I would feel during those moments. There is no denying it, she was right about that and with good reason. The feeling of emptiness, and void, like something grabbed your heart and tore it from your chest. It is not a very pleasant feeling. It leaves you with a hollowed hole in your chest and if you don't deal with it, it will follow you like a dark cloud until you do.

The main reason I know that I have to deal with this is because it is here where we decide which path to choose. The light or the dark, though technically both sides ultimately arrive at the same conclusion, the path of the darkside is a lonely path without attachments.

Some of you may claim that attachments is negative, but this depends on how you look at it. The same goes for non attachments, there is a "good" and a "bad" in everything, just like the yin yang.

Most villains in our favorite stories become who they are because of something that happened to them in the past. Some may have lost their loved ones to wars, murders, or unfortunate accidents. Not dealing with their emotions, they shut themselves out and isolate themselves from the world.  During this isolation, they see attachments as a weakness and begin to dwell in apathy. In their point of view, as long as they don't feel anything, and no emotions they are "safe" from any losses. Without empathy, they are able to do what they do. This is the path of the darkside.

Click to enlarge images to read.

I am using the Naruto series as an example because it does bring in many lessons. It doesn't matter if it is anime, because these stories came from the heart. The author of the series clearly sees the world for how it is, so he uses the world as a metaphor for the story. So please try not to judge this because it is a "cartoon" or "fiction". Stories comes from somewhere and usually what thrives people to create stories are their very own emotions which can be used to spark up creativity, even if those emotions are negative. In addition, most authors wants to give the world a message, so they do it in ways of entertainment.

Another example is the character named Sasuke. His powers came from non attachment and suffering, and he abandoned his friends and people he cared about in pursuit of strength. This is how he became who he is, as he became an avenger due to the loss of his mother, father and clan at the hands of his brother who was following orders given by the elites of the village. As a kid, he witnessed his brother kill his mother and father and this brought him extreme pain. All he could think about was revenge, and he dedicated himself to gain strength through abandoning everything he held dear to him. His best friend was Naruto, his opposite and one thing his brother told him, was that if he wanted true power, he would have to kill someone he held dear, and it so happens Naruto was the closest thing he held within his heart. During their fight however, when Sasuke won against Naruto, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he chose a different path.

Sasuke Uchiha

On the other hand, we have the hero of the story, in many cases the hero also suffers through a traumatic past. Some of them were rejected from the beginning and take the path to prove their worth and become acknowledged. So they attempt to do everything right, but one thing they fear the most is losing the people they care about. So they tend to attempt to gain power to protect others from harm at their own expense. In most cases they choose to endure pain, and maintain their resolve.

But yet, they too tend to kill for proteccion only they do it with the back up of the many. "Hero" fights "villain" and the crowd cheers when the Hero finally defeats his oponent. In Naruto's case however, he chose the path to save his best friend Sasuke, regardless of what the village thought of Sasuke or how Sasuke felt about him. This is the path of the light. And they both are unbalanced in their raw form. But enduring the pain, and feeling it instead of denying it gives Naruto his strength. In both characters cases, they have one thing in common. Death was not a pleasant idea for neither and it was death that had them become who they are. In both cases, they both were tragic, which is why Naruto understands Sasuke, but Sasuke was unwilling to give in to Naruto's words.

While I have yet to reach a balance on this topic myself, I felt it was important to bring in these points of views. Denying emotions will get you to one place, while enduring them will get you to another. It is only when we are honest with ourselves that we are able to bring to light the core of our sufferings. We can run away from it, but that path will lead to unhappiness especially with oneself.

The only thing I can conclude for now is that accepting the circumstances or events is necessary for growth, and leaving things bottled up inside is not the answer. Acknowleding them helps when dealing with these emotions. It takes awhile, but if we don't do it, we will miss out on what truly matters. Life, and the experience of love. I am aware death is not the end, but perhaps what we ultimately fear is not death itself, but rather, our own emotions, because we fear what we may become once death knocks on our door.